Author, Writer, Columnist
THE SECRETS TO STEPFAMILY SUCCESS
Revolutionary Tools to Create a Blended Family of Support and Respect.
by Gloria Lintermans
Table of Contents:
- CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE by Dorothy Law Nolte
- TABLE OF CONTENTS
- TRUE STORY
- "ON CHILDREN" by Kahlil Gibran
- "CO-PARENTS" DEFINED
PART ONE: STEPFAMILY PREPARATION
CHAPTER ONE: The Reasons for Widespread Stepfamily Stress and
- Why Most Stepfamilies Fail
- Why Do Some Stepfamilies Survive
- The Parents
- Beyond the Obvious
- The Dependent Kids
CHAPTER TWO: Assess for Psychological Wounds, and Begin Personal Healing
- Nina and Tom
- Traits of a Healthy Family or Relationship: The Keys to Success
- Common Emotional Wounds & Their Symptoms
- The Challenge
CHAPTER THREE: Learn Healthy Grieving Basics, and Check for Incomplete Grief
- Sample Good Grief Policy
- Why This Chapter?
- Losses Happen Naturally Over Time
- Our Losses are Physical and Invisible
- Losses Happen In Different Ways
- The Impact of Losses Can Accumulate
- People Experience Losses Differently
- Endings Always Create Beginnings
- What Is "Grieving"?
- Requisites for Healthy Mourning
- Symptoms of Blocked Grieving
- Steps to GOOD Stepfamily Grief
- A SAMPLE STEPFAMILY GRIEVING POLICY
CHAPTER FOUR: Make Three Wise Dating Decisions
- Co-Creating a Healthy Remarriage: Meet Our Guides
- What Is "Marriage"?
- What is a "Successful" Marriage?
- Why Marry?
- Understanding Your Unconscious Needs
- Is Stepfamily Remarriage Different?
- Making Three Wise Pre-Remarriage Choices: Romantic Distortions
- Remarrying the Right People
- Remarrying at the Right Time
- Remarrying for the Right Reasons
- Pre-Remarriage Danger Signs
- Improving Your Odds BEFORE You Remarry
PART TWO: STEPFAMILY REALITIES
CHAPTER FIVE: Replace Stepfamily Myths with Realistic Expectations
- Learning, Teaching, and Applying Stepfamily Realities
- COMPARING STEPFAMILIES AND BIOLOGICAL FAMILIES
- Adoption Options
- Average Stepfamilies versus Intact Biological Families: Differences Chart
CHAPTER SIX: Accept Your Stepfamily Identity and What It Means
CHAPTER EIGHT: Negotiate a Stepfamily Mission Statement & Adult's Job (Role) DescriptionKeeping clear on your goals.
- Stepfamily - Biological Family Similarities
- Stepfamily - Biological Family Differences
- Ex-Mate(s) Challenges
- Childhood Wounds Resurface
- Loyalty Issues
- Love vs. Respect
- Financial Issues
- Legal Issues
- Incomplete Grief
- Idealism & Guilt
- Stepfamily Structural Maps
- Premise, Steps, and Suggestions
- Child Visitation
- Child Support Times
- Celebrations and Conflicts
- Using Your Structural Maps
CHAPTER SEVEN: Learn How to Do Win-Win Problem Solving, and Teach Your Kids
- The Five Effective Communication Skills
- One: "Process Awareness"
- Two: "Metatalk"
- Three: Empathic Listening
- Four: Assertion
- Five: Problem-solving
- Example: Stepfamily Loyalty Conflict
CHAPTER EIGHT: Negotiate a Stepfamily Mission Statement & Adult's Job (Role) Description
- Family Roles and Rules
- Family Mission Statements
- Priorities, Values, and Knowledge
- The Document Itself
- Using Your Mission Statement
- Ongoing Recommendations for Using Your Mission Statement
- Stepfamily Job Descriptions
- Sample Stepfather Job Description
PART THREE: MERGE AND EVOLVE AN EFFECTIVE TEAM OF STEPFAMILY ADULTS
CHAPTER NINE: Forge a Flourishing Remarriage and Keep it Second
- A Personal Bill of Rights
- Typical Ongoing Primary Marital Needs
- Relationship "Boundaries"
- What Are Relationship "Boundaries"?
- Why Are Boundaries Important?
- Boundary Conflicts and Violations
- Healthy and Toxic Boundaries
- Enmeshment: Too Few Boundaries
- Typical Boundary Conflicts
- Typical Boundary Violations
- Violations Between People
CHAPTER TEN: Merge and Stabilize Your Stepfamily Adults' Biological Families, and Resolve Many Conflicts
- THE MERGER: How It Starts
- What Do You Merge?
- What to Expect as You Merge
- Evolve a Merger Plan Together, Early
- PERSECUTOR-VICTIM-RESCUER RELATIONSHIP TRIANGLES
- What's Wrong With Triangles?
- What Can We Do About Our Triangles?
- Forced Priority Choices
- Mastering Loyalty Conflicts Together
- Resolving Loyalty Conflicts: Choices
CHAPTER ELEVEN: Help Each Other Learn to Nurture Effectively & Grow Stepparent-Stepchild Respect and Trust, Over Time
- TMEMOS FROM AND ABOUT YOUR STEPCHILD by Peter K. Gerlach, M.S.W.
- Stepfamily Healing & Adjustment Needs
- Explore and Reduce the Basic Problems
- What Does This Mean?
- Improve Stepparent - Stepchild Trust
- Grow Stepparent - Stepchild Respect
CHAPTER TWELVE: Effective Child Discipline in Stepfamilies
- What is "Child Discipline"?
- Why is Child Discipline Important?
- What Is Effective Child Discipline?
- 23 Differences About Stepfamily Child Discipline
- Why Child Discipline Can Be A Big Marital Problem
- Guidelines for Effective Stepfamily Child Discipline
- General Child-Discipline Guidelines
- Guidelines for Stepfamily Child Discipline
- Co-managing Discipline Values-Conflicts
- Guidelines for Effective Child Discipline in Multi-home Stepfamilies
PART FOUR: SUPPORT YOURSELVES
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Evolve and Use a Stepfamily Support Network Together
- Need to vent.
- Need to feel validated.
- Need to learn.
- Need to socialize and help others.
- Need to grow hope.
Making an Effective Mission Statement
- Starting a support group.
- Planning the first meeting.
- The second meeting - organize.
- Keeping Your Group Thriving
- Keeping clear on your goals.
- Screening New People
- Meeting Content Suggestions
THE SECRETS TO STEPFAMILY SUCCESS: Revolutionary Tools to Create a Blended Family of Support and Respect.