Gloria Lintermans
Author, Writer, Columnist
THE NEWLY DIVORCED BOOK OF PROTOCOL
By Gloria Lintermans
Table of Contents
PART ONE: DETACHMENT
THE SECRET
You know it. Your spouse probably knows it. You're just not ready to know it together.
FEELING ISOLATED
No one's ever gone through what you're going through or felt so alone.
STRADDLING THE DOORSTEP
Home isn't an "in-n-out" burger place.
ATTACKS ON SELF-ESTEEM
Going blond, getting breast implants, buying a whole new wardrobe. Getting hair implants, etc.
PARALYZING FEAR-THE MOMENT OF TRUTH
Tension beyond belief - something has to give. Who's pretending anyway.
STAYING ATTACHED
No matter what the reality, home is where your heart is.
RELIEF - EUPHORIA - TERROR
You told and didn't die. You're in control again. Life is good, but now you really do have to leave.
FEELING GUILTY AND KIDS
You probably should. It's okay.
THE LEAVER AND THE LEFT
Yes, it does make a difference. It's called self-esteem.
KIDS AND PROPERTY
Kids as bargaining chips.
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT/SUPPORT WITHDRAWAL
What uncle's ninetieth party did you say you'd go it? Had a bad day at the office, honey? Too bad. Had a fender bender on the way home? Oh, well.
WHEN TO TELL THE KIDS
Think they don't know something's going on? They're scared and confused, too.
SHOCK
Never, ever did you consider the possibility that this could happen to you.
WHAT TO TELL THE KIDS
A three-year-old's not a fifteen-year-old.
SOCIAL OBLIGATIONS
Are you or aren't you a couple?
HOW TO TELL THE KIDS
Together.
SEXUAL AVAILABILITY
You're still having sex with who!?
KIDS AND DATING
Understanding and reassurance.
EMOTIONAL ACCESSIBILITY
You want what?
WHEN MARRIAGE ENDS AND DIVORCE BEGINS
Closure, focus, new beginnings.
PART TWO: SEPARATION
LAWYER: YOURS, MINE OR OURS
Are you really saving money by using one attorney, or is one of you getting shortchanged.
FAMILY HOLIDAYS
Make it special for you and your kids.
WHO AM I?
When half of a whole feels like zero.
PAIN, GUILT, JOY, ANGER, SELF-REPROACH, RELIEF, DISTRESS, EUPHORIA
An emotional roller coaster.
CHANGES IN SOCIAL ROLE
When a mother's no longer a wife.
TELLING THE FAMILY
Possibly the worst moment of your life. Owning up to failure.
THE IFS
No, it wouldn't have made a difference.
TELLING AND THE CUSTODY OF FRIENDS
Yours, mine, ours.
FATHERS' CHANGING ROLE
Distance?
THE FAMILY
Who are we now?
MOTHERS' CHANGING ROLE
Overwhelming responsibility.
SCHOOL FUNCTIONS
Not appropriate for casual dates.
CUSTODY
Creating a new family framework.
RELIGIOUS FUNCTIONS
The new family that prays together stays together.
VISITATION AND OTHER RULES
Hey Dad, just drop by whenever--who needs privacy.
CHILD SUPPORT
Or lack of.
WITHHOLDING VISITATION
Playing Fair. Kids aren't hostages.
SPOUSAL SUPPORT
Why is he trying so hard to get you married off?
LONELINESS
Maybe it wasn't so bad after all.
THE QUALITY OF THE POST MARITAL RELATIONSHIP
Good, bad, hard on the kids?
PART THREE: A NEW BALANCE
ENDINGS AS NEW BEGINNINGS
There is a choice.
MAINTAINING COMMUNICATION WITH KIDS
It's your job, even when they're at his or her house. Even when their new significant other might answer.
RELATIONSHIP WITH EX-SPOUSE
A workable truce.
DATING
When is dating like bungee jumping? Now.
RELATIONSHIP WITH GRANDPARENTS, FORMER IN-LAWS AND FAMILY.
Kids only?
NEW FAMILY STRUCTURE
Who's the boss?
STARTING OVER
Who knows, life might even get better.
SOCIAL OBLIGATIONS INVOLVING CHILDREN
Yes, kids still need parents
EX-SPOUSE AS PRESENT LOVER
Staying stuck.
LIFE- POST DIVORCE
Even better
RELATIONSHIP WITH FORMER FRIENDS -WITHDRAWAL
One--rallying to your side. Two--envy, admiration, curiosity, fear (of divorce as a communicable disease). Three--gone.
RESOURCES
THE NEWLY DIVORCED BOOK OF PROTOCOL: How To Be Civil When
You Hate Their Guts
